just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
