the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just puked most of my soul out..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
