So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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