omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize