Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
