The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
