I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
