dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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