you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
