Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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