Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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