so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
