I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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