Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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