He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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