It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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