finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
