Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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