there's paper in my vomit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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