I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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