Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
