last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We have started to decorate penises.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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