it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
