I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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