i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she told me i tasted like america
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
