In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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