The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
