Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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