Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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