Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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