I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
