Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
