I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
