just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
