she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
