Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
