my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
