The maid of honor just puked.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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