I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.