im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck