Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2654) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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  (202): God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now. http://tfl.nu/vtz7
  Replies (20) Good night (2864) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

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  (248): Either way I should probably pregame on the plane http://tfl.nu/xs77
  Replies (10) Good night (5239) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

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  (404): It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up http://tfl.nu/zf6y
  Replies (27) Good night (1103) Bad night (4790)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night

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  (785): Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night http://tfl.nu/utdq
  Replies (1) Good night (2314) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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  (805): 100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun. http://tfl.nu/nptp
  Replies (5) Good night (2136) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

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  (916): Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive. http://tfl.nu/cw9i
  Replies (9) Good night (2174) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.

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  (615): We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers. http://tfl.nu/6a3z
  Replies (6) Good night (2256) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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  (314): My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/9bud
  Replies (11) Good night (843) Bad night (2312)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.

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  (229): No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional. http://tfl.nu/bawb
  Replies (8) Good night (2652) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.

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  (970): The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch. http://tfl.nu/vgkc
  Replies (5) Good night (1366) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.

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  (507): he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day. http://tfl.nu/m5g5
  Replies (4) Good night (1907) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.

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  (501): His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/o5lz
  Replies (15) Good night (1515) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?

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  (248): I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex? http://tfl.nu/7avt
  Replies (1) Good night (856) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate

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  (407): it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate http://tfl.nu/t09i
  Replies (2) Good night (308) Bad night (79)

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