Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?