I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
