what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
