Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
