she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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