My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
