she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
