Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
