My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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