That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
