If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
