I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
