I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
