You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
