shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
