Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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