ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
