i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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