How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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