i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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