just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found your dick twin last night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
