That's intense
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
