exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
