Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
