They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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