vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
