Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
