the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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