I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
