Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
