never play flip cup with pint glasses
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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