I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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