youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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