Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
