Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
