I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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