She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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