he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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