Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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