My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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