she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
