I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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