I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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