1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
