Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
