never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
